Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Day 34: Born a Movie Star. Seriously.

It was a cold day in the desert on February 3rd.
Hearts were racing.
The doctors were pacing.
A miracle they were facing.
At least that's what I heard.

I'm now questioning whether that rhyming pattern (ABBBA) was a good idea. Whatever. You get the point.

On this blessed day known as my birth I have been reflecting on the strange nature of my existence. My mother insists that my life only got weird later on in life, but I beg to differ. Things have been weird from the womb. Here I will build my case:

1. My parents weren't "supposed" to have any more children.

2. When it came time to announce my
mother's pregnancy to my two older brothers my Dad prayed this at the dinner table: "Thank you for this new, little life growing inside of Shelley." My brothers both sat there in confusion. Then Dad asks them, "Would you like a little brother or sister?" My oldest brother, Brent (age 17 at the time), says, "I hope it's a hunting dog." That's weird no matter how you shake it. Could this have been the moment (even in utero) that my love for animals developed? I wonder.

3. While out to dinner, my second oldest brother, Brandon (age 12 at the time), gets a prophetic fortune cookie. It reads, "A short stranger will soon enter your life."

4. While I was marinating in amniotic fluid my mom became a Christian. I can basically take credit for the whole thing. She started going to Bible study (with her also pregnant best friend) and started loving Jesus at the same time that she started loving me. My love for Bible study obviously stemmed from this.

5. Then comes the day of my actual birth: February 3rd. Basically nothing monumental happened in the world on this day. I think the Lord reserved the day just for me. Lord knows my birth was monumental in and of itself. The only thing that is even remotely exciting that happened on Feb. 3 was that tickets to see the Statue of Liberty went on sale for the first time. The fee? $1. The price now? $11.50. God bless America.

However, my birth was exceptionally weird. Why? Because I was born a movie star. I'm not talking wimpy home movies here... I'm talking about a real live, legitimate motion picture.

I was born at 7:40pm, 6lbs 11 oz, 20 1/2 in. long (for those of you who are into details) and exactly 14 hours later I was the star of a movie called "Bathing Your Baby." No kidding. [By the way, check out my mom's great eye shadow in this picture--just minutes after giving birth to me. Way to go, Mom!]

There was this zippy, little woman who approached my parents and said, "I heard that you have had the most beautiful, wonderful, adorable, precious baby in the hospital. Could we use her to star in our movie in the morning?" [She said something along those lines. Don't quote me here.] My parents were touched and honored. So, they gladly handed me over. To this day they still hand out the video in the Phoenix area. Someone called my mom and told her that they had seen it not too long ago. See? Legit. I was born with a flare for the dramatic. It's not my fault I was born this way.

6. I was born with a hole in my heart. The pediatric cardiologist freaked my parents out with the news and then says, "But the good news is that it'll close up with time." My parents give a relieved sigh. Then he says, "One more thing...I just had a baby boy and your daughter is beautiful! Could you give me your name and phone number and maybe in 18 years we could hook them up?" Seriously. This is word for word what happened. My dad took me home immediately.

In conclusion, I was born with weird written all over me. It was inevitable. See, Mom? Thank you, God, for inventing blogs so that I can write about this weird stuff.

This is my birthday. Day 34 of 2010.