Day 132: Blindsided. Tackled by a football player.

I knocked a linebacker out cold.

One freezing, dreadful morning in January of 2007 I was walking in the hallway of a university gym. Note #1: I was walking the HALLWAY. It was early, I was cold, and I certainly wasn't paying any attention. Suddenly, out of NOWHERE, meeting me head-on at the intersection of two crossing hallways, came the 6'6" linebacker that would come in contact with my face. Note #2: He was running at top speed.

I had no time to react before my face smashed into his chest, fracturing my nose and cheek bone on his sternum and giving me a level 3 concussion. My left hand was also injured and due to the force of the hit, I fell backwards and hit my head on the hard tile, giving me ANOTHER level 3 concussion. Count 'em...that's TWO concussions.

But check it out: I'm so short and he is so tall that I "clothes-lined" the dude. He flipped over the top of me somehow and hit his head on the tile, knocking both of us unconscious. By the time the rest of the people racing with him (they were running wind sprints in the hallways of the gym) caught up they discovered the two of us out cold on the floor wondering what had happened.

I was blindsided. But I went to the beach to "recover" so it was okay. Notice the black eyes and sling.
Then two weeks ago I was hiking with my dad, summiting a large mountain in Arizona. We got to the top, started to head down, and he proceeds to have a heart attack. What the heck. We all didn't know it was a heart attack at the time, but, needless to say, a week later I get a phone call from my mom and she said I had to drive an hour and half to the hospital, that dad was in bad shape. I get to the hospital and the doctors announce that he has to have a DOUBLE bypass.

We were blindsided. But not quite like the movie.

It felt just like getting tackled by the linebacker. It's like, one second I was walking along and then two seconds later I'm laying on the ground wondering what happened. I felt taken out, helpless, and honestly... kind of mad waiting in that hospital room. I kept sitting in the waiting room thinking in frustration, "When can I get out of here?! I just want to leave!" It was uncomfortable, worrisome, and heart-breaking (no pun intended). Having to wonder every day for a week straight if the last conversation you had with your dad would be your last isn't exactly my idea of a good time.

I just wanted out. Have you ever felt that way? As Patsy Clairmont says, "I didn't raise my hand for this!" I kept thinking, "Who thought that this was a good idea?! I don't want to be here!" I wanted to go back to normal, every day life where my dad climbed mountains and things were okay. I didn't want to eat hospital omelets. I didn't want to hug people I didn't know when they tried to comfort me. And certainly, every time we were in the waiting room I didn't want to wait... I just wanted to run away.

Have you ever felt like certain things in your life are just taking too long? That you just want the season to be over so you can move on and get to the fun stuff? This was one of those weeks.

Then the Lord gave me this verse last night: ..."patient in affliction..." -Romans 12:12

What in the world does that mean? Romans 12 talks a lot about being a 'living sacrifice' and love and stuff and then all of sudden it says to be "patient in affliction." The Justine translation? To be patient in the stuff that flat out sucks.

But then I started wondering...what does PATIENCE really mean anyway? What does it mean to have patience in affliction?

I looked up that particular word in Greek and as it turns out, patience in Romans 12:12 means "to remain under, to persevere, to endure persecution or miseries in faith and patience, to remain privately, to stay behind."

To stay behind? To remain? Let me tell you what... to REMAIN and stay behind in the midst of my dad's heart attack was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to endure. I didn't want to have patience. I just wanted it all to be over and for my dad be okay.

But check this out: that word that's used for "patient" in Romans 12:12? I looked up all the places in the New Testament that it comes up and almost every time the Bible talks about JOY before it talks about patience or endurance. Even in Romans 12: 12...

"Be JOYFUL in hope, PATIENT in affliction, and faithful in prayer."

I started thinking last night that if there's joy involved in the process then sign me up. I mean, thank the Lord that we don't just have to endure, but that there's joy there! Seriously legit. I'm not trying to be all fluffy-bunnies-and-roses on ya when I say this. I mean it will all sincerity. There's nothing better than joy in the midst of the things we must endure...it's like a kiss from God.

Then I got hit with this doozy. When I was looking up other verses that had the Greek word that's used in Romans 12:12 for patience I found this one:

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him ENDURED the cross."-Hebrews 12:2

That word "endured" right there in Hebrews 12:2? That's the exact, same word used for "patient" in Romans 12:12. Add the definition of the Greek word to the verse and you get this:

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him REMAINED, STAYED, HAD PATIENCE, AND ENDURED the cross FOR ME. -Hebrews 12:2 (with expansion)

He stayed there/remained and endured the cross for me. It has hit me over and over again today...what if He wouldn't have stayed? What if He would've just left? And I realized...that if He stayed on the cross for me...I can stay at the hospital and endure the pain of watching my family go through the agony of waiting.

Through this I am realizing more and more that being "patient in affliction" is much more than sitting around and waiting until the sucky things in life pass. It's staying put until it's over, it's seeing it through, it's investing in the moment, it's staying when everyone else leaves, it's dealing with the hard things in my heart and not running from them (that's a big one!), it's not giving up and throwing in the towel just because it's not comfortable or convenient, and it's remaining when everything inside seems to be screaming, "Get out! This isn't fun!"

And it's allowing the Holy Spirit to remind me & you over and over and over again that if He can endure/remain/be patient at the cross for me and be joyful about it...then I can be patient here too and watch His joy overtake my soul.


This doesn't make it any easier...but it makes it worth it.