Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Day 272: How To Find God's Will For Your Life

Let's be real.

Yesterday I was alone in my car and I shouted at the top of my lungs,

At this purging of emotion, I let out crocodile tears filled with frustration and disappointment. I "yell prayed" some more (this is really okay and totally freeing to do by the way) and sobbed my way into the Jamba Juice parking lot (expensive juice also helps with gut wrenching outbursts).

Please tell me I'm not alone in this.

Have you ever felt this way? Like you were so desperate to know the will of God that is literally brought you to Jamba Juice...*cough...I mean tears? Well, that's been my life for the past two days. Scratch that... the last month.

I couldn't figure out for the life of me why God wasn't just speaking up and telling me what the blazes to do. I mean seriously... I have the desire to know and do the will of God so what's the problem? Why won't He just show me already?

Well...then this morning happened... and I got my long awaited answer. [Note: This is for you too so brace yourself.]

"God delights in the sincere desire or cry in our spirit to obey Him. Our sincere desire to obey God is a substantial beginning of our victory over sin. It is part of God’s work in you." -Mike Bickle, Song of Songs study, Session 6

Immediately I thought of the run-in I had with my heart yesterday when I heard this message from Mike Bickle (epic study series by the way). It's like I started understanding how God sees my life instead of how I see it.

I see... the crying, seemingly pathetic me who cries over six dollar juice and doesn't get answers right away to the immediate questions of my heart.
God sees...the daughter that He chose for such a time as this, that is brought to tears over wanting to please Him and do His will.

It's like I've never known anything until this moment.

Mike Bickle goes on to say this:
The sincere intention to obey God is distinct from the attainment of mature obedience. The pursuit of full obedience is different than attaining it. The Lord is pleased with us from the time we repent (by setting our heart to obey Him) which is long before our obedience matures. As genuine lovers of God we do not immediately attain to all that we seek to walk in.

Basically it's like this:
"Our spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Matthew 26:41)

I am utterly convinced that the Lord is more concerned about my spirit being willing than He is about the actual walking-out-His-will part. Don't get me wrong, being obedient to God in its fullness is imperative, but if I walk out His will in shame, guilt, or with a rebellious spirit is it really His will after all?

I think that God loved my "fit" yesterday. Please don't misunderstand, I don't believe that God enjoys our pain in the slightest, but I do think that it is the utter delight of His heart to see one of His children crying out to Him, honestly seeking to obey.

When our hearts get to such a place where we are so in love with the person of Jesus that we would literally do ANYTHING for Him, that "there is no cost too great" (as Heidi Baker the sold-out African missionary would say), and that anything outside of God's will would never satisfy our heart... well... I know, as of this morning, that God's delight in that is extraordinary.

I think I have been panicked for most of my life because I thought that God wasn't pleased with my pursuit or my journey, just the outcome. Consequently, I have been left feeling like a failure when none of it has worked out... like He wasn't proud of me. So, I move on to the next thing hoping to succeed and make Him proud. But, I have gotten the pursuit of obedience mixed up with the attainment of obedience [see more on this from Mike Bickle]. Friends, He delights in the willingness of our hearts and the sincere desire to be obedient. He loves the pursuit. He loves the journey. He loves our desire.

But, I will say is that this epic revelation did not result in me finding out what to do, per say.

The answer I wanted: Justine, here's what to do and where to go and how to do it. Go and have fun.
Jesus' answer: Beloved, you ravish my heart. I take such delight in your willingness. "As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you." (John 15:9)

I am convinced that God hasn't given the answers I have sought after because He had different answers in mind for me. And His were better than mine. He answers the cries of my heart and He will answer yours may just not be the answer you were looking for.

P.S. Jamba Juice helps. May I suggest the "Acai Super-Antioxident" that tastes like the glory. Omg.

P.S.S. Today I'm not focusing on what to "do" necessarily, but more on how much He loves me. It's working. I highly suggest it.

BONUS: Here's a song to go with this post... click HERE


Anonymous said...

I can relate to this fully. Although, I feel like I havn't gotten my answer quite yet Justine. I always feel like im not good enough whether it is praising him or praying to him. I feel so dissapointed in myself and feel like I don't deserve to even worship him. (I know this isn't a good feeling either)

Im so glad that you found your way though, the road is long and hard but I admire you and am a bit jealous in my heart to be honest. You found your answers and mine have yet to be revealed. But I pray that God continues to bless you and pour his grace over you. Your blog really lifted up my day and gave me a sense of hope.

-PS: I love Jamba Juice!

-Stella Choe

Anonymous said...


I read your blog and I must say what you are doing and how God is working in your life is AMAZING! I actually went through the same thing yesterday as well. I cried for hours wondering what I am doing with my life and what my plan is. I just wanted to say reading this post made me feel so much better!! You are a great writer and I think you are doing WONDERFUL things! Thanks Justine =)

Oh sorry by the way this is Vanessa Moser =)

Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

I would be crying, too, if I had bought a $6.00 glass of juice. For .99 cents, you can get 30 days worth of purple drink.



Post a Comment