Day 272: How To Find God's Will For Your Life

Let's be real.

Yesterday I was alone in my car and I shouted at the top of my lungs,

"GOD, WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO DO I WILL DO! YOU KNOW MY HEART! JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO!"

At this purging of emotion, I let out crocodile tears filled with frustration and disappointment. I "yell prayed" some more (this is really okay and totally freeing to do by the way) and sobbed my way into the Jamba Juice parking lot (expensive juice also helps with gut wrenching outbursts).

Please tell me I'm not alone in this.

Have you ever felt this way? Like you were so desperate to know the will of God that is literally brought you to Jamba Juice...*cough...I mean tears? Well, that's been my life for the past two days. Scratch that... the last month.

I couldn't figure out for the life of me why God wasn't just speaking up and telling me what the blazes to do. I mean seriously... I have the desire to know and do the will of God so what's the problem? Why won't He just show me already?

Well...then this morning happened... and I got my long awaited answer. [Note: This is for you too so brace yourself.]

"God delights in the sincere desire or cry in our spirit to obey Him. Our sincere desire to obey God is a substantial beginning of our victory over sin. It is part of God’s work in you." -Mike Bickle, Song of Songs study, Session 6

Immediately I thought of the run-in I had with my heart yesterday when I heard this message from Mike Bickle (epic study series by the way). It's like I started understanding how God sees my life instead of how I see it.

Example:
I see... the crying, seemingly pathetic me who cries over six dollar juice and doesn't get answers right away to the immediate questions of my heart.
God sees...the daughter that He chose for such a time as this, that is brought to tears over wanting to please Him and do His will.

It's like I've never known anything until this moment.

Mike Bickle goes on to say this:

The sincere intention to obey God is distinct from the attainment of mature obedience. The pursuit of full obedience is different than attaining it. The Lord is pleased with us from the time we repent (by setting our heart to obey Him) which is long before our obedience matures. As genuine lovers of God we do not immediately attain to all that we seek to walk in.

Basically it's like this:

"Our spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Matthew 26:41)

I am utterly convinced that the Lord is more concerned about my spirit being willing than He is about the actual walking-out-His-will part. Don't get me wrong, being obedient to God in its fullness is imperative, but if I walk out His will in shame, guilt, or with a rebellious spirit is it really His will after all?

I think that God loved my "fit" yesterday. Please don't misunderstand, I don't believe that God enjoys our pain in the slightest, but I do think that it is the utter delight of His heart to see one of His children crying out to Him, honestly seeking to obey.

When our hearts get to such a place where we are so in love with the person of Jesus that we would literally do ANYTHING for Him, that "there is no cost too great" (as Heidi Baker the sold-out African missionary would say), and that anything outside of God's will would never satisfy our heart... well... I know, as of this morning, that God's delight in that is extraordinary.

I think I have been panicked for most of my life because I thought that God wasn't pleased with my pursuit or my journey, just the outcome. Consequently, I have been left feeling like a failure when none of it has worked out... like He wasn't proud of me. So, I move on to the next thing hoping to succeed and make Him proud. But, I have gotten the pursuit of obedience mixed up with the attainment of obedience [see more on this from Mike Bickle]. Friends, He delights in the willingness of our hearts and the sincere desire to be obedient. He loves the pursuit. He loves the journey. He loves our desire.

But, I will say is that this epic revelation did not result in me finding out what to do, per say.

The answer I wanted: Justine, here's what to do and where to go and how to do it. Go and have fun.
Jesus' answer: Beloved, you ravish my heart. I take such delight in your willingness. "As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you." (John 15:9)

I am convinced that God hasn't given the answers I have sought after because He had different answers in mind for me. And His were better than mine. He answers the cries of my heart and He will answer yours too...it may just not be the answer you were looking for.

P.S. Jamba Juice helps. May I suggest the "Acai Super-Antioxident" that tastes like the glory. Omg.

P.S.S. Today I'm not focusing on what to "do" necessarily, but more on how much He loves me. It's working. I highly suggest it.


BONUS: Here's a song to go with this post... click HERE

Day 146: Milestones and Motherhood

Many of you may recall the day that you got married as the most significant milestone of your life. For others, it may be the day that you graduated college or took your fantasy vacation or found your dream designer, mustard yellow handbag at 75% off and watched as an old lady stole it from you in plain sight (*cough*-There's part of my heart that still mourns this day.).

For me, I can mark today down as an epic milestone, along with these memorable days from my past:

1. The day I found out that the guy I liked for 2 years in college had a twin. [I thought this was God's gift to me. Then, come to find out, his twin is a girl.]

2. The day I tucked my dress into my underwear at a 5 star resort.

3. The day I announced publicly my belief in Big Foot.

May 26 (that's today) will forever go down in infamy, one that can be added to my list of epic milestones. Why? Because today I decided I wanted to be a mom.

Was it a cute baby at Target? Was it watching a rerun of A Baby Story on TLC? Was it feeding orphans in Africa? No. It was one comment from one pastor in one Q&A session. That's all it took.

Yes, I know what you may be thinking... "All those years of people trying to convince you that motherhood is a good thing and sermons and teaching and babysitting...and all it takes is a Q&A session? You've got to be kidding me." Well, it happened that way.

It was this statement:

"My goal as a parent is to make my family safe
so that they can enjoy God."
-Bill Johnson, Bethel Church, Redding, CA

I started thinking about this and it kind of wrecked me. Okay...it REALLY wrecked me. I started lining up my 20-something-aged friends in my mind and was going through each and every person birthed out of this parentless generation. In my mind I walked up to them and asked, "Did your parents nurture you in a place of emotional and physical safety so that you could freely enjoy God?" Almost every person I asked in my mind would respond with a sarcastic, wounded laugh.

It was in that very moment that I realized I have the tools to raise a child. Now, I'm not married, I don't own a car seat, and if you asked me how to cure diaper rash I would have no idea, but I enjoy God. I enjoy God with every part of me. And if you have a parent who truly enjoys God (I'm not talking about going to church on Sunday and doing an occasional "quiet time" here), but a parent who genuinely ENJOYS God ... then you have a recipe for success.

[Enjoy: to take pleasure or delight in; to live in happiness; to relish the pleasures]

I also value safety. But I hear you saying to me, "Doesn't everyone?" Okay, well then answer me this: Do/did you feel welcome with your parents? Could you talk to them knowing that you wouldn't be judged? Do/did you feel freedom and a sense of belonging? That's the kind of safety I'm talking about valuing...the kind that our culture is allergic to...the kind of safety that only exists in trust.

I want to be able to walk in front of that same line of people in my mind someday and see a transformed generation. A generation that knows the heart of God, delights in His will, and feels safe enough to enjoy their Father. So much so, that in the future they can stand in that line with their children and confidently say, "I made my family safe so that they can enjoy God." Then, I can look at their children, and ask them, "Do you enjoy God?" And instead of words they just dance.

I hope my children become dancers...

So, here's my vow, public and electronic, that I will make my family safe so that they can enjoy God. If that's what being a parent means then sign me up for motherhood.

Today is the milestone of motherhood. Day 146 of 2010.