Day 272: How To Find God's Will For Your Life

Let's be real.

Yesterday I was alone in my car and I shouted at the top of my lungs,

"GOD, WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO DO I WILL DO! YOU KNOW MY HEART! JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO!"

At this purging of emotion, I let out crocodile tears filled with frustration and disappointment. I "yell prayed" some more (this is really okay and totally freeing to do by the way) and sobbed my way into the Jamba Juice parking lot (expensive juice also helps with gut wrenching outbursts).

Please tell me I'm not alone in this.

Have you ever felt this way? Like you were so desperate to know the will of God that is literally brought you to Jamba Juice...*cough...I mean tears? Well, that's been my life for the past two days. Scratch that... the last month.

I couldn't figure out for the life of me why God wasn't just speaking up and telling me what the blazes to do. I mean seriously... I have the desire to know and do the will of God so what's the problem? Why won't He just show me already?

Well...then this morning happened... and I got my long awaited answer. [Note: This is for you too so brace yourself.]

"God delights in the sincere desire or cry in our spirit to obey Him. Our sincere desire to obey God is a substantial beginning of our victory over sin. It is part of God’s work in you." -Mike Bickle, Song of Songs study, Session 6

Immediately I thought of the run-in I had with my heart yesterday when I heard this message from Mike Bickle (epic study series by the way). It's like I started understanding how God sees my life instead of how I see it.

Example:
I see... the crying, seemingly pathetic me who cries over six dollar juice and doesn't get answers right away to the immediate questions of my heart.
God sees...the daughter that He chose for such a time as this, that is brought to tears over wanting to please Him and do His will.

It's like I've never known anything until this moment.

Mike Bickle goes on to say this:

The sincere intention to obey God is distinct from the attainment of mature obedience. The pursuit of full obedience is different than attaining it. The Lord is pleased with us from the time we repent (by setting our heart to obey Him) which is long before our obedience matures. As genuine lovers of God we do not immediately attain to all that we seek to walk in.

Basically it's like this:

"Our spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Matthew 26:41)

I am utterly convinced that the Lord is more concerned about my spirit being willing than He is about the actual walking-out-His-will part. Don't get me wrong, being obedient to God in its fullness is imperative, but if I walk out His will in shame, guilt, or with a rebellious spirit is it really His will after all?

I think that God loved my "fit" yesterday. Please don't misunderstand, I don't believe that God enjoys our pain in the slightest, but I do think that it is the utter delight of His heart to see one of His children crying out to Him, honestly seeking to obey.

When our hearts get to such a place where we are so in love with the person of Jesus that we would literally do ANYTHING for Him, that "there is no cost too great" (as Heidi Baker the sold-out African missionary would say), and that anything outside of God's will would never satisfy our heart... well... I know, as of this morning, that God's delight in that is extraordinary.

I think I have been panicked for most of my life because I thought that God wasn't pleased with my pursuit or my journey, just the outcome. Consequently, I have been left feeling like a failure when none of it has worked out... like He wasn't proud of me. So, I move on to the next thing hoping to succeed and make Him proud. But, I have gotten the pursuit of obedience mixed up with the attainment of obedience [see more on this from Mike Bickle]. Friends, He delights in the willingness of our hearts and the sincere desire to be obedient. He loves the pursuit. He loves the journey. He loves our desire.

But, I will say is that this epic revelation did not result in me finding out what to do, per say.

The answer I wanted: Justine, here's what to do and where to go and how to do it. Go and have fun.
Jesus' answer: Beloved, you ravish my heart. I take such delight in your willingness. "As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you." (John 15:9)

I am convinced that God hasn't given the answers I have sought after because He had different answers in mind for me. And His were better than mine. He answers the cries of my heart and He will answer yours too...it may just not be the answer you were looking for.

P.S. Jamba Juice helps. May I suggest the "Acai Super-Antioxident" that tastes like the glory. Omg.

P.S.S. Today I'm not focusing on what to "do" necessarily, but more on how much He loves me. It's working. I highly suggest it.


BONUS: Here's a song to go with this post... click HERE

Day 221: I Refuse To Give Up...A dose of Holy Stubbornness

CLICK HERE AND WATCH THIS VIDEO FIRST

Lately I've been wondering how much more I have to give. Have you ever been in that place?

In three weeks time I've lost my house, had to move to a new city, almost lost my job, wrought with unexplainable health issues, family drama (affairs...divorce...you name it), and as of just a few days ago my dad was diagnosed with cancer [just to name a few]. Needless to say, I more than empathize with the football player in this clip.

[side note: doesn't this clip make you want to work out? I felt like running a short (emphasis on the word "short") marathon after watching the video.]

[side note #2: One of my favorite speakers, Patsy Clairmont, says this, "I woke up feeling ready to take on the world. I got up, ran around the block, then kicked the block back under the bed." As I type this quote, I'll admit it, I giggle a little. This is Patsy to the right. Isn't she zippy?---------------------->>>]

Back to the point. Yes, there's a point. I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, like THE Coach was cheering me on. I read my Bible and found this gem:

Luke 21:1-4 (Amplified Bible)

1LOOKING UP, [Jesus] saw the rich people putting their gifts into the treasury.

2And He saw also a poor widow putting in two mites (copper coins).

3And He said, Truly I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them;

4For they all gave out of their abundance (their surplus); but she has contributed out of her lack and her want, putting in all that she had to live on.

Yesterday at church (in case you were wondering--I go to the best church ever), someone was talking about this scripture in relation to giving money. Yes, I do think that this verse is about giving of your money, but this morning God used these verses to refresh my soul. Here's why...

So many times I come before the Lord in the abundance of my life. I praise Him, I thank Him and I ask Him for more of His heart. These are all great things! But these past few weeks I've felt a little bit like a widow...a depravity of soul if you will. And yet, it's in that place that I want to give MORE. I find myself wanting to praise more, cry more, laugh more, do more, read more and even sit more. I might only have a little bit left after all of the events of the day (like the widow putting in her two copper coins), but I will contribute out of my lack and my want, putting in all that I have to live on.


And part of that means refusing to give up. It's a sacrifice so pleasing to the Lord when we stick it out and persevere, depending solely on His strength. What joy that must bring His heart! Yet, Satan wants everything in his power to see me give up. Well, I have news for everyone on earth and every being in the heavenlies:

I won't give up.

I actually yelled at the top of my lungs the other day, "Satan, you can take whatever you want and my answer will STILL be 'Yes & Amen'!!!" Then I danced around my living room balling my eyes out to the song "So Good To Me." The cat just starred at me like I was a loon.

I don't care what any one says...Thankfulness is warfare.

So, today, oh God, let the praises that I sing be a sweet, sweet sound to your ears, knowing that it's out of the depth of my soul that I sing. May my life offering be worth more to you, Jesus, now than ever before because I am giving out of poverty rather than of wealth.

I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.
Psalm 13:6

And Satan is going to regret messing with me. ;) And just in case you aren't inspired enough, watch THIS video. One of the most rock-solid, extreme followers of Christ I've ever seen, Nick Vujicic. Nick has no arms and no legs and travels all over the world telling kids about Jesus. I actually met the dude in a hotel last year and can honestly say he is one of the most radical people I have ever met. Woah.

Day 212: Fear. When I agreed & then threw up.

I woke up one day and the Lord told me I was moving.

As if that wasn't enough... He said it was going to be soon. I had no idea what "soon" meant until God gently said to me, "As in RIGHT NOW, Justine. Get some boxes. You are going to need them." So I packed up my stuff in faith, really having no idea where I was going or what I was going to be doing. Within just hours I had multiple job offers all in the same city, someone called and invited me to live with them, and I had a burning in my heart for the desert [which really didn't make sense.....I was a mountain girl!]. I took a few days to think it over (but HELLO it was obvious) and moved to the Arizona desert.

Within just one, short day I began to question God.

Why am I here?
What am I doing in the desert?
God, what are you up to?

As I asked these questions in my heart, I started to think that maybe I was nuts. God kept asking me to do these risky things and I really had no concept of what I was doing, I was just trusting that maybe someday it would make sense.

Two days later I ended up on Arizona State University's campus. A man that I barely knew told me that I should go to a prayer meeting there and because God was up to some weird things I agreed to go. I drove around in circles for a while, debating whether I would actually go , then practically drug myself into the building. I walked in and this younger guy (around 18-years-old) met me at the door. This guy seriously looked crazy. His hair was about a foot long and stuck out straight from his head....picture Mozart after being electrocuted.

He introduced himself and then quickly said, "Do you know why you're in the desert?" I couldn't hide the shock on my face when I said, "Um, no. But I'm assuming you do?" He laughed and said, "You are here to worship. You're a musician right?" Then he walked away. I never saw the guy again.

"Here to WORSHIP?!" I said to myself over and over again. "God, you brought me all the way to the desert just to worship?! Are you kidding me?" Then, once I moved on from feeling shocked, I got angry. "I don't want to do this, God! I thought we left that music stuff behind a long time ago." I decided to try to forget about what that afro-kid said to me.

Then I woke up the next day to a Facebook message. It said something about me being called to worship. I was so freaked out that I don't remember exactly what it said because I slammed my laptop shut and immediately said to the Lord, "You have got to be kidding me?! If you really want me to do this you had better give me one more sign."

I thought God had forgotten about my prayer or was hoping that the worship thing wasn't correct when, out of the blue, a man from the church I started attending called me and said, "Hey, I hear that you do worship. How about you come down to the church for practice and you can sing?"

I agreed. Then I threw up.

And yes, the fear was just that intense.

There's a guy in the Bible who, if he were living today, would totally understand my freak out sessions. Meet Gideon.

Gideon was just a normal Israelite in the book of Judges (ch.6). Israel was worshiping others gods and even though the real God was telling them not to, they did it anyway. So, God sent these people called the Midians to oppress Israel until they cried out to God. God was waiting for them to turn to Him and seek Him with their whole heart. Things got pretty horrible and the Midians started taking all the Israelites stuff, so Israel got upset and asked God for help. So, walla-walla-bing-bang, God sends an angel to this guy Gideon.

Check out Judges 6: 11. It says that when the angel of the Lord came to Gideon, Gideon was "threshing wheat in a winepress." You may be asking yourself, "Self, why in the world is this important?" Well, it shows how freaked out Gideon was. Normally, threshing wheat was done in an open field where wind was used to separate the grains of wheat from the outer shell that you couldn't use. But, Gideon was afraid of the Midians because they would have seen him and taken all of his wheat. So, he threshed the wheat in a winepress which was probably located in a barn-like structure.

So, here's Gideon, hiding from the bad guys with his wheat and an angel shows up and says, "The Lord is with you mighty warrior!" Then Gideon starts arguing with the angel. I don't know about you, but that would NOT have been my response. When an angel says something, you had best be believing it right away! Then God speaks to him and tells him to go to war and Gideon argues some more, totally not believing God.

Then Gideon has the nerve to ask for three signs. Basically, asking God if he's going to win the battle. In the process of going to battle the dude totally shows this massive lack of confidence in God, but God continues to give him the signs anyway. Gideon naturally decides it's a good idea to do what God says...so he goes off to battle.

BUT, then comes Judges 7:
^2-3 God said to Gideon, "You have too large an army with you. I can't turn Midian over to them like this—they'll take all the credit, saying, 'I did it all myself,' and forget about me. Make a public announcement: 'Anyone afraid, anyone who has any qualms at all, may leave Mount Gilead now and go home.'" Twenty-two companies headed for home. Ten companies were left.

^4-5 God said to Gideon: "There are still too many. Take them down to the stream and I'll make a final cut. When I say, 'This one goes with you,' he'll go. When I say, 'This one doesn't go,' he won't go." So Gideon took the troops down to the stream.

^5-6 God said to Gideon: "Everyone who laps with his tongue, the way a dog laps, set on one side. And everyone who kneels to drink, drinking with his face to the water, set to the other side." Three hundred lapped with their tongues from their cupped hands. All the rest knelt to drink.

⁷ God said to Gideon: "I'll use the three hundred men who lapped at the stream to save you and give Midian into your hands. All the rest may go home."

⁸ After Gideon took all their provisions and trumpets, he sent all the Israelites home. He took up his position with the three hundred.

300 men! Are you kidding me right now?!

Read verses 8-15. What did God do for Gideon in this passage?

[note: God is SO cool.]

Now read verses 15-21. What was the result of fear in this passage?

Fear always gets you all freaked out and confused, while faith in God makes things infinitely clearer.

To go back to my story about worship... I had gotten myself all wigged out like Gideon was when the angel came to him. I asked God for signs, just like Gideon, that what He had spoken was actually true. God confirmed the worship thing over and over and over again. He said that was what I was supposed to do. Though I did NOT want to go, I showed up to worship practice.

Basically God had something HUGE in store for me that I knew nothing about in the beginning when that crazy guy told me that I was in the desert to worship. God encountered me there, worshiping and playing music, and I've never been the same.

God was/is victorious (just like with Gideon) and now the best parts of my week are when I GET to go worship at the House of Prayer.

What are you afraid of?
What is God calling you to?
What has been your response?

This post is taken from a segment of the REBOOT retreat for high school teens, written and hosted by Jeff Schadt & Justine McKnight. For more information on REBOOT go to www.youthtransitionnetwork.org

Day 204: Jimminy Christmas we need the Holy Spirit!

We need the Holy Spirit...Because He LEADS us into all Truth.
The Word IS Truth, but we need a Guide.
To say or not depend fully on the Guide is pride and arrogance.

Psalm 10:4
In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.

Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

I believe in the authority of the living Word of God, revealing the character and nature of God. Make no mistake in what I am saying.
However, we cannot JUST depend on the inherency of the scripture.

We need the Holy Spirit to be able to GUIDE US through the Word and to bring wisdom and revelation to that Truth so that it becomes APPLIED and not just LEARNED.

Why?

Because knowledge, in and of itself, gives glory to the one who learns it, not the God who created it.
Because knowledge, standing alone, will only frustrate and confuse people you try to share it with, no matter how hard you try.
Because knowledge, on it's own, puffs up. 1 Corinthians 8:1 "...Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up."

I am honestly a little tired of having to defend the Holy Spirit's presence in my life and make some "intellectual argument" for the need/existence of the Holy Spirit as compared to the importance of scripture. I have tried exhaustively, but here's the fact: the Spirit doesn't need a defender any more than a lion needs a defender [thank you, Amy Campbell for making a reference to this at one time that I never forgot.]. The Spirit and Bible go hand-in-hand. End of story...or rather the beginning of the story. ;) The Bible is the "SWORD of the SPIRIT" here, folks.

I NEED the Holy Spirit. Not occasionally, not once in while, not in small doses, not just when I can't figure something out, not just when I'm in pain... I need the Spirit all the time, everywhere, in my waking and in my sleeping and in NO small doses. I mean, cheese and rice, people, I'm honestly kind of an idiot when it comes to the things of God, even after years of studying theology and writing some pretty good papers/speeches on the subject. But I'm not going to pretend for one second that I have all of the answers or that I can figure things out simply using my mind.

That's important.....USE THE MIND GOD GAVE YOU.... Read, study, talk to others, know your stuff! I am a big fan of knowing what you believe and why you believe it. But it's not knowledge that changes hearts. Knowledge might get the attention of the heart, but it's the Spirit that changes. It's the love of God that radically alters lives.

1 Corinthians 8:1 "...Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up."

Wanna see the people around you changed by God? Wanna see your own heart transformed? Ask the Holy Spirit to "Bring It!" Then prepare in great expectation to get whacked by God and see the people around you dramatically changed.

OR you can keep throwing that theology book at 'em and see how well that one works out. Let me know how it goes.

Day 165: Throwing Muffins... and other godly activities.

We need to have a serious talk about muffins.

Why muffins? Because everybody likes muffins. It's like parfaits, Labrador puppies, and the smell of clean laundry... it's unknowingly irresistible.

Muffins are also important. I had this startling realization the other night when I was praying for a good friend of mine and all I kept thinking about what a basket full of muffins. I thought I was having a breakdown and was in desperate need of some carbs or something, but low and behold that was not the case. As it turns out, God just really likes muffins.

I laughed and said to my friend in the middle of my prayer, "I know you already think I'm crazy so this isn't going to bother you, but I just keep seeing this basket full of muffins when I pray for your life." Then, it was like God sent a squirrel to hit me over the head with a giant nut of revelation.

Instantly I understood completely. "It's like this," I explained to my friend. "God had this recipe for your life. He brought you people that poured knowledge of the things of God into your life. Then He gave you the revelation of His Word, experiences, conversations, dreams, and visions (like the blueberries, eggs, and flour in a muffin recipe). Then there was this harsh clash of the things of God (like water in a muffin recipe) and then the things of this world (like the oil) in your life. Normally those two things don't go together (oil and water), but God used them to bring about so much good in your life. You struggled as God allowed those ingredients to mix together to make something so delicious. Then He poured out the sweetness of His Spirit into the recipe of your life and made it utterly irresistible to others."

[Note: I think God added a couple of "nuts" into the recipe of her life as well... I mean...after all, I am her friend. ;) ]

I finished explaining this part and then I saw muffin dough going into the little tins and being put into the oven. This the heat of the refining fire of God burning away any impurities (woah. Check out Malachi 3:1-3) . Then I saw the muffins come out and be placed in a basket, hot out of the oven. I told my friend that I then saw her pick up the basket of muffins and start giving the muffins out to people. Sometimes she would give them to strangers, sometimes to family, sometimes to friends, but always with joy.

I think this is how the seasons of our lives work. God uses certain people to pour Truth into our minds, words to ponder in our hearts, dreams, jobs, new relationships, etc. and it makes this beautiful treat. Sometimes (okay, oftentimes) we have no idea what He is doing (can I get an "Amen!"), but in the end everything just makes sense. Kind of like a muffin recipe...

Then we get to take that season/muffin of our life that God completes (Note:GOD completes the season...not you) and watch as He turns it into this irresistible, delectable, little nibble.

"And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ, developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you." -Philippians 1:6

Then we get to take that season of our lives, that God in His infinite sovereignty carried to full completion, and hand it out to others. That way, maybe things God did in you and through you will be done in them. Bill Johnson says it like this:

"Any time you've had a breakthrough in the things of the Lord, it automatically positions you in a place of authority to serve...if you've tasted victory, then you are positioned to serve people that very meal that the Lord gave you...the Grace that brought victory to you in that cancer situation, the grace that brought victory when everything looked like it was falling apart in business..." etc.

Basically, ole Bill is talking about throwing muffins here. :)

Examples of "Muffin Throwing":

• Praying that others come to the realization of the Truth of God's Word (like maybe you did at one time).
• Telling someone about a particular situation in which God really impacted your life.
• Talking to teenagers about your horrific dating life and how God redeemed it (*cough...yes, this is one of my muffins) and that He can do the same for them.
  

Basically, in humility and joy, gifting people a full, cooked, sweet recipe of the things of God in little snacks [note: I did not say a whole meal. Nobody wants a lecture. Think...mini-muffin...everybody loves mini-muffins! And people always end up eating like 13 mini-muffins and not even realizing it. If you have done this know that you have a friend at this blog.].

Then, as they eat of wisdom and revelation that has gone through the heat, you can say, "TASTE AND SEE THAT THE LORD IS GOOD." -Psalm 34:8

Man, I love muffins.

[note: This story freakishly resembles a dream had by Julie Meyer in her book Invitation to Encounter: A Journey Into Dreams and I didn't even realize it! The book rocks and you should probably read it. The Lord gave Julie fruit... I got muffins. What can I say.

Day 146: Milestones and Motherhood

Many of you may recall the day that you got married as the most significant milestone of your life. For others, it may be the day that you graduated college or took your fantasy vacation or found your dream designer, mustard yellow handbag at 75% off and watched as an old lady stole it from you in plain sight (*cough*-There's part of my heart that still mourns this day.).

For me, I can mark today down as an epic milestone, along with these memorable days from my past:

1. The day I found out that the guy I liked for 2 years in college had a twin. [I thought this was God's gift to me. Then, come to find out, his twin is a girl.]

2. The day I tucked my dress into my underwear at a 5 star resort.

3. The day I announced publicly my belief in Big Foot.

May 26 (that's today) will forever go down in infamy, one that can be added to my list of epic milestones. Why? Because today I decided I wanted to be a mom.

Was it a cute baby at Target? Was it watching a rerun of A Baby Story on TLC? Was it feeding orphans in Africa? No. It was one comment from one pastor in one Q&A session. That's all it took.

Yes, I know what you may be thinking... "All those years of people trying to convince you that motherhood is a good thing and sermons and teaching and babysitting...and all it takes is a Q&A session? You've got to be kidding me." Well, it happened that way.

It was this statement:

"My goal as a parent is to make my family safe
so that they can enjoy God."
-Bill Johnson, Bethel Church, Redding, CA

I started thinking about this and it kind of wrecked me. Okay...it REALLY wrecked me. I started lining up my 20-something-aged friends in my mind and was going through each and every person birthed out of this parentless generation. In my mind I walked up to them and asked, "Did your parents nurture you in a place of emotional and physical safety so that you could freely enjoy God?" Almost every person I asked in my mind would respond with a sarcastic, wounded laugh.

It was in that very moment that I realized I have the tools to raise a child. Now, I'm not married, I don't own a car seat, and if you asked me how to cure diaper rash I would have no idea, but I enjoy God. I enjoy God with every part of me. And if you have a parent who truly enjoys God (I'm not talking about going to church on Sunday and doing an occasional "quiet time" here), but a parent who genuinely ENJOYS God ... then you have a recipe for success.

[Enjoy: to take pleasure or delight in; to live in happiness; to relish the pleasures]

I also value safety. But I hear you saying to me, "Doesn't everyone?" Okay, well then answer me this: Do/did you feel welcome with your parents? Could you talk to them knowing that you wouldn't be judged? Do/did you feel freedom and a sense of belonging? That's the kind of safety I'm talking about valuing...the kind that our culture is allergic to...the kind of safety that only exists in trust.

I want to be able to walk in front of that same line of people in my mind someday and see a transformed generation. A generation that knows the heart of God, delights in His will, and feels safe enough to enjoy their Father. So much so, that in the future they can stand in that line with their children and confidently say, "I made my family safe so that they can enjoy God." Then, I can look at their children, and ask them, "Do you enjoy God?" And instead of words they just dance.

I hope my children become dancers...

So, here's my vow, public and electronic, that I will make my family safe so that they can enjoy God. If that's what being a parent means then sign me up for motherhood.

Today is the milestone of motherhood. Day 146 of 2010.

Day 144: What's the point in having confidence?

I have had a significant amount of people talk to me at length about confidence in the past two weeks. Any time I have asked, "What's the Lord teaching you about in this season of your life?" it almost always begins with confidence. Is this a freak occurrence? I think not.

So, then tonight I was sitting on my back porch, soaking up the last bit of freak cool, desert weather and the Lord tells me to go check out 1 John 3. What does 1 John 3 talk about? A lot of great stuff (you should really check it out), but specifically confidence. Another freak occurrence? No way, Dr. Dre.

Here's the part of 1 John that hit me over the head like a shovel [speaking of this... you have simply GOT to check this video out. I have always wanted to do this to someone!]... it's verses 19-22. It says:

And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. ²⁰ For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. ²¹ Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. ²² And whatever we ask we receive from Him...

If you are feeling significantly overwhelmed, but know that these verses are important please raise your hand now [note: my hand is raised]. It bugged me that I didn't get this...so I did some research and here's the breakdown... (which, btw, is totally up for discussion).

Assure/Peitho (Greek): to make confident, to free from fear or doubt

Heart/Kardia (Greek): thoughts, reasonings, understandings, emotions, and conscience (which is what "heart" primarily means here-- conscience).

Condemn/Kataginosko (Greek): to incriminate, condemn, discern against another, blame.

Confidence/Parresia (Greek): Confidence or boldness particularly in speaking

Insert these meanings into the verses and you get:

¹⁹By this we shall come to know that we are of the Truth, and can reassure (quiet, conciliate, and pacify, make confident, to free from fear or doubt) our hearts (thoughts, reasonings, understandings, emotions, and conscience) in His presence,²⁰whenever our hearts (thoughts, reasonings, understandings, emotions, and conscience) in tormenting self-accusation and blame make us feel guilty and condemn us. For He is above and greater than our consciences (our hearts), and He knows (perceives and understands) everything [nothing is hidden from Him].²¹Beloved, if our consciences (our hearts) do not accuse and blame us [if they do not make us feel guilty and condemn us], we have confidence (complete assurance and boldness, especially in speaking) before God, ²²And we receive from Him whatever we ask...

To put it simply...

1. What prevents/comes against confidence? Our heart (thoughts, reasonings, understandings, emotions, and conscience) condemning/blaming us. When there's all kinds of false self-blame there is really no room for confidence!

2. When our heart, thoughts and emotions start blaming us we don't even have to do it alone. These verses say that "He is above and greater than our consciences (our hearts), and He knows (perceives and understands) everything [nothing is hidden from Him]." So, don't get caught in the pit of thinking you gotta do it yourself or that you're not worthy or you deserve it or whatever kind of lie comes creeping into your mind. He is above and greater than all that blame and condemnation and your reasonings/thoughts/feelings that bring condemnation must submit to the King and be destroyed our mighty God. Don't put up what that stuff! God has a bigger plan for you and it's called CONFIDENCE.

3. When there's NO blame---BOOM-SHOCKA-LOCKA there's confidence.

4. What's the point of confidence? Not to walk a little taller and not to "feel good about yourself" (although those are great things and totally of God!). The point of confidence is to be bold in prayer (Heb. 4:16, 10:19, 1 Jn 5:14) and proclamation (Heb. 13:6).

Beloved, if our consciences (our hearts) do not accuse and blame us [if they do not make us feel guilty and condemn us], we have confidence (complete assurance and boldness, especially in speaking) before God, ²²And we receive from Him whatever we ask...

That's the point, folks-- to approach the throne of God in boldness and trust that whatever we ask of Him will be done.


Sign me up to ride the confidence train.

Day 132: Blindsided. Tackled by a football player.

I knocked a linebacker out cold.

One freezing, dreadful morning in January of 2007 I was walking in the hallway of a university gym. Note #1: I was walking the HALLWAY. It was early, I was cold, and I certainly wasn't paying any attention. Suddenly, out of NOWHERE, meeting me head-on at the intersection of two crossing hallways, came the 6'6" linebacker that would come in contact with my face. Note #2: He was running at top speed.

I had no time to react before my face smashed into his chest, fracturing my nose and cheek bone on his sternum and giving me a level 3 concussion. My left hand was also injured and due to the force of the hit, I fell backwards and hit my head on the hard tile, giving me ANOTHER level 3 concussion. Count 'em...that's TWO concussions.

But check it out: I'm so short and he is so tall that I "clothes-lined" the dude. He flipped over the top of me somehow and hit his head on the tile, knocking both of us unconscious. By the time the rest of the people racing with him (they were running wind sprints in the hallways of the gym) caught up they discovered the two of us out cold on the floor wondering what had happened.

I was blindsided. But I went to the beach to "recover" so it was okay. Notice the black eyes and sling.
Then two weeks ago I was hiking with my dad, summiting a large mountain in Arizona. We got to the top, started to head down, and he proceeds to have a heart attack. What the heck. We all didn't know it was a heart attack at the time, but, needless to say, a week later I get a phone call from my mom and she said I had to drive an hour and half to the hospital, that dad was in bad shape. I get to the hospital and the doctors announce that he has to have a DOUBLE bypass.

We were blindsided. But not quite like the movie.

It felt just like getting tackled by the linebacker. It's like, one second I was walking along and then two seconds later I'm laying on the ground wondering what happened. I felt taken out, helpless, and honestly... kind of mad waiting in that hospital room. I kept sitting in the waiting room thinking in frustration, "When can I get out of here?! I just want to leave!" It was uncomfortable, worrisome, and heart-breaking (no pun intended). Having to wonder every day for a week straight if the last conversation you had with your dad would be your last isn't exactly my idea of a good time.

I just wanted out. Have you ever felt that way? As Patsy Clairmont says, "I didn't raise my hand for this!" I kept thinking, "Who thought that this was a good idea?! I don't want to be here!" I wanted to go back to normal, every day life where my dad climbed mountains and things were okay. I didn't want to eat hospital omelets. I didn't want to hug people I didn't know when they tried to comfort me. And certainly, every time we were in the waiting room I didn't want to wait... I just wanted to run away.

Have you ever felt like certain things in your life are just taking too long? That you just want the season to be over so you can move on and get to the fun stuff? This was one of those weeks.

Then the Lord gave me this verse last night: ..."patient in affliction..." -Romans 12:12

What in the world does that mean? Romans 12 talks a lot about being a 'living sacrifice' and love and stuff and then all of sudden it says to be "patient in affliction." The Justine translation? To be patient in the stuff that flat out sucks.

But then I started wondering...what does PATIENCE really mean anyway? What does it mean to have patience in affliction?

I looked up that particular word in Greek and as it turns out, patience in Romans 12:12 means "to remain under, to persevere, to endure persecution or miseries in faith and patience, to remain privately, to stay behind."

To stay behind? To remain? Let me tell you what... to REMAIN and stay behind in the midst of my dad's heart attack was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to endure. I didn't want to have patience. I just wanted it all to be over and for my dad be okay.

But check this out: that word that's used for "patient" in Romans 12:12? I looked up all the places in the New Testament that it comes up and almost every time the Bible talks about JOY before it talks about patience or endurance. Even in Romans 12: 12...

"Be JOYFUL in hope, PATIENT in affliction, and faithful in prayer."

I started thinking last night that if there's joy involved in the process then sign me up. I mean, thank the Lord that we don't just have to endure, but that there's joy there! Seriously legit. I'm not trying to be all fluffy-bunnies-and-roses on ya when I say this. I mean it will all sincerity. There's nothing better than joy in the midst of the things we must endure...it's like a kiss from God.

Then I got hit with this doozy. When I was looking up other verses that had the Greek word that's used in Romans 12:12 for patience I found this one:

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him ENDURED the cross."-Hebrews 12:2

That word "endured" right there in Hebrews 12:2? That's the exact, same word used for "patient" in Romans 12:12. Add the definition of the Greek word to the verse and you get this:

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him REMAINED, STAYED, HAD PATIENCE, AND ENDURED the cross FOR ME. -Hebrews 12:2 (with expansion)

He stayed there/remained and endured the cross for me. It has hit me over and over again today...what if He wouldn't have stayed? What if He would've just left? And I realized...that if He stayed on the cross for me...I can stay at the hospital and endure the pain of watching my family go through the agony of waiting.

Through this I am realizing more and more that being "patient in affliction" is much more than sitting around and waiting until the sucky things in life pass. It's staying put until it's over, it's seeing it through, it's investing in the moment, it's staying when everyone else leaves, it's dealing with the hard things in my heart and not running from them (that's a big one!), it's not giving up and throwing in the towel just because it's not comfortable or convenient, and it's remaining when everything inside seems to be screaming, "Get out! This isn't fun!"

And it's allowing the Holy Spirit to remind me & you over and over and over again that if He can endure/remain/be patient at the cross for me and be joyful about it...then I can be patient here too and watch His joy overtake my soul.


This doesn't make it any easier...but it makes it worth it.

Day 21: Three Random Dudes in Starbucks

Poor Rexy (the truck that holds all of my love for automobiles) was running on fumes as I rolled into the gas station this morning. She sputtered up the pump not having any idea where her (too expensive) off road wheels would take her this fine Thursday.

Normally Rexy finds herself parked in the same spot in front of the same coffee shop every day, but today I felt this slight tugging in my heart to drive her to a different location. And let me tell you- it was a good thing I went because I had an appointment with the Lord in a BIG way. Actually I had three appointments to be precise.

1. Mike the Barista-I walk into Starbucks, order, and then I hear, "Justine?!" At first I was confused because it was early and I thought my hot java was talking to me. Then I realized that it was Mike the Barista. Who is Mike? I used to see him almost every day at a Starbucks 2.5 hours away. I live in a city of 1.3 million people. What are the chances I would see him? To make a long story short...Mike the Barista and I used to play worship together and he loves Jesus a lot. This leads me to man #2.

2. Random Tattoo Man- Two minutes after talking to Mike this biker guy, covered in tattoos, stands next to my table and says, "I heard that you love Jesus. Mike told me. I do this ministry thing and I feel like I need to know you." Then he hands me his card and says he'll be back to talk to me. He doesn't come back to talk to me after all, but I think he's right---I do need to know him. His ministry looks seriously cool and I can't wait to see what God is going to do. Stay tuned.

3. Sonnie the Glory Guy- Hours later (yes, I was still sitting in the same spot), this surfer guy in his 60's with long, curly gray hair walks up to me and says, "You love Jesus don't you?" Taken aback a little bit, I smile and say, "Very much." He says, "I can tell." "Really?" I say. "I heard you talking on the phone a little bit ago," he says, "I wasn't really listening [note to self: he was definitely listening], but I saw you talking and you were smiling really bright. Then you said something about the Holy Spirit and I just KNEW."

We proceed to talk about the GLORY of God for the next hour. He loves Jesus too and tells me all about the cool things that He has seen God do. I got REAL excited. I told him that I thought that this year specifically that God was just looking for people to say "Yes" to Him regardless of embarrassment or fear. He confirmed this and then said, "Justine, your obedience to God radiates from you. As you say 'Yes' to God you will see many amazing things."

Now, to you this may sound like a fortune cookie, but for reals this was exceptionally cool. He then hands me a book about the GLORY of God and says, "I feel like I'm supposed to give this to you." Then the dude takes off.

To some this may sound weird and creepy, but Sonnie the Glory Guy was seriously rad and I wish all of you could meet him. We talked about God stuff a lot, it was a weird encounter, and of course it was a little funny (which is what this blog is all about!). So, naturally I had to write about the experience.

I think that God wants to speak to us just as much as we want Him too (maybe more so). I think that He is looking for people who are willing to embrace His surprises and His voice and not be so weirded out that we miss out on the cool, random things of God. Just a thought for today.

This is my Thursday. Day 21 of 2010.

Day 335: What's up with the dead owl?

All this bird business made me wonder what the Bible has to say about owls.

Check these verses out:

Psalm 102: 6,7

⁶ I am like a desert owl,
like an owl among the ruins.

⁷ I lie awake; I have become
like a bird alone on a roof.

I prayed about the dead owl in my backyard, asking the Lord what He could be saying to me and then I read the two verses above.

WOAH! Could the owl mean the death of isolation and loneliness in my life?

I then looked up more scripture regarding owls/birds and what the Bible says about them. In culture we say things like "wise as an owl"---so we automatically think that owls are tied to wisdom. In the Bible, however, owls are repeatedly linked to loneliness and isolation. David even repeatedly referred to himself as an owl in the Psalms (or something very similar), which solidifies my theory that the dead owl means the death of isolation and loneliness.

[see http://www.bible-topics.com/Owl-The.html for more interesting facts about OWLS from the Bible]

Then my mom sent me a biblical commentary on Psalm 102:6,7. It says:

These birds are pictures of loneliness and desolation. At times we may need to be alone, and solitude may comfort us. But we must be careful not to spurn those who reach out to us. Don't reject help and conversation. Suffering silently is neither Christian nor particularly healthy. Instead, accept graciously the support and help from family and friends.

WOAH x2

Then, the Lord really brought it all home when I received two e-mails regarding the dead owl:

From my mother:

I am doing my Bible study right now - Stepping Up, Beth Moore, p. 123. She says, "Jesus is the author of connection. Satan is the author of isolation. The more our enemy takes us captive, the further we distance ourselves from healthy people..."

I immediately thought of you. I know you have been so lonely in the past - searching for deep and meaningful friendships for so many years. NOW YOU HAVE THEM!!! And in abundance. Could Satan be trying to attack you, to take you back to that really lonely place? He'd much rather have you there than watching you be the beacon that you are now.

Then this one is from my friend Ashley:

Thinking of our little conversation we had last night, referring to you RECEIVING love from friends, I'd say with this bird thing God is just saying there's a part of you that's passing away-- an OLD part-- a part that God is NOW making NEW. Allow yourself to receive it and open up to it. Walk through the doors God is opening...there's nothing at all to force about it, but it's simply a breath of the Spirit on your life that's doing it. It's SO exciting!!!...I'd say God is giving you a picture in the natural of what he's doing in the spiritual. A part of you that found comfort in isolation is dying. Praise God.

Basically the Lord has gone to great lengths to get me to see HOPE instead of loneliness. Poor little hooter had to die so that I would know that the Lord loves me. It's such an obvious sign of HIS love! He desires for me to no longer be a friend to isolation or loneliness and instead embrace this new season of fellowship with Him as well as others.

Check out what God says about loneliness found in Hebrews 13:5.

I will not in any way fail you,
nor give you up,
nor leave you without support.

Another version says:

I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree
leave you helpless
nor forsake you
nor let you down (relax My hold on you)!
Assuredly not!

Who knew that I would understand the LOVE of God better because of something dead in my backyard.