Day 144: What's the point in having confidence?

I have had a significant amount of people talk to me at length about confidence in the past two weeks. Any time I have asked, "What's the Lord teaching you about in this season of your life?" it almost always begins with confidence. Is this a freak occurrence? I think not.

So, then tonight I was sitting on my back porch, soaking up the last bit of freak cool, desert weather and the Lord tells me to go check out 1 John 3. What does 1 John 3 talk about? A lot of great stuff (you should really check it out), but specifically confidence. Another freak occurrence? No way, Dr. Dre.

Here's the part of 1 John that hit me over the head like a shovel [speaking of this... you have simply GOT to check this video out. I have always wanted to do this to someone!]... it's verses 19-22. It says:

And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. ²⁰ For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. ²¹ Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. ²² And whatever we ask we receive from Him...

If you are feeling significantly overwhelmed, but know that these verses are important please raise your hand now [note: my hand is raised]. It bugged me that I didn't get this...so I did some research and here's the breakdown... (which, btw, is totally up for discussion).

Assure/Peitho (Greek): to make confident, to free from fear or doubt

Heart/Kardia (Greek): thoughts, reasonings, understandings, emotions, and conscience (which is what "heart" primarily means here-- conscience).

Condemn/Kataginosko (Greek): to incriminate, condemn, discern against another, blame.

Confidence/Parresia (Greek): Confidence or boldness particularly in speaking

Insert these meanings into the verses and you get:

¹⁹By this we shall come to know that we are of the Truth, and can reassure (quiet, conciliate, and pacify, make confident, to free from fear or doubt) our hearts (thoughts, reasonings, understandings, emotions, and conscience) in His presence,²⁰whenever our hearts (thoughts, reasonings, understandings, emotions, and conscience) in tormenting self-accusation and blame make us feel guilty and condemn us. For He is above and greater than our consciences (our hearts), and He knows (perceives and understands) everything [nothing is hidden from Him].²¹Beloved, if our consciences (our hearts) do not accuse and blame us [if they do not make us feel guilty and condemn us], we have confidence (complete assurance and boldness, especially in speaking) before God, ²²And we receive from Him whatever we ask...

To put it simply...

1. What prevents/comes against confidence? Our heart (thoughts, reasonings, understandings, emotions, and conscience) condemning/blaming us. When there's all kinds of false self-blame there is really no room for confidence!

2. When our heart, thoughts and emotions start blaming us we don't even have to do it alone. These verses say that "He is above and greater than our consciences (our hearts), and He knows (perceives and understands) everything [nothing is hidden from Him]." So, don't get caught in the pit of thinking you gotta do it yourself or that you're not worthy or you deserve it or whatever kind of lie comes creeping into your mind. He is above and greater than all that blame and condemnation and your reasonings/thoughts/feelings that bring condemnation must submit to the King and be destroyed our mighty God. Don't put up what that stuff! God has a bigger plan for you and it's called CONFIDENCE.

3. When there's NO blame---BOOM-SHOCKA-LOCKA there's confidence.

4. What's the point of confidence? Not to walk a little taller and not to "feel good about yourself" (although those are great things and totally of God!). The point of confidence is to be bold in prayer (Heb. 4:16, 10:19, 1 Jn 5:14) and proclamation (Heb. 13:6).

Beloved, if our consciences (our hearts) do not accuse and blame us [if they do not make us feel guilty and condemn us], we have confidence (complete assurance and boldness, especially in speaking) before God, ²²And we receive from Him whatever we ask...

That's the point, folks-- to approach the throne of God in boldness and trust that whatever we ask of Him will be done.


Sign me up to ride the confidence train.

Day 132: Blindsided. Tackled by a football player.

I knocked a linebacker out cold.

One freezing, dreadful morning in January of 2007 I was walking in the hallway of a university gym. Note #1: I was walking the HALLWAY. It was early, I was cold, and I certainly wasn't paying any attention. Suddenly, out of NOWHERE, meeting me head-on at the intersection of two crossing hallways, came the 6'6" linebacker that would come in contact with my face. Note #2: He was running at top speed.

I had no time to react before my face smashed into his chest, fracturing my nose and cheek bone on his sternum and giving me a level 3 concussion. My left hand was also injured and due to the force of the hit, I fell backwards and hit my head on the hard tile, giving me ANOTHER level 3 concussion. Count 'em...that's TWO concussions.

But check it out: I'm so short and he is so tall that I "clothes-lined" the dude. He flipped over the top of me somehow and hit his head on the tile, knocking both of us unconscious. By the time the rest of the people racing with him (they were running wind sprints in the hallways of the gym) caught up they discovered the two of us out cold on the floor wondering what had happened.

I was blindsided. But I went to the beach to "recover" so it was okay. Notice the black eyes and sling.
Then two weeks ago I was hiking with my dad, summiting a large mountain in Arizona. We got to the top, started to head down, and he proceeds to have a heart attack. What the heck. We all didn't know it was a heart attack at the time, but, needless to say, a week later I get a phone call from my mom and she said I had to drive an hour and half to the hospital, that dad was in bad shape. I get to the hospital and the doctors announce that he has to have a DOUBLE bypass.

We were blindsided. But not quite like the movie.

It felt just like getting tackled by the linebacker. It's like, one second I was walking along and then two seconds later I'm laying on the ground wondering what happened. I felt taken out, helpless, and honestly... kind of mad waiting in that hospital room. I kept sitting in the waiting room thinking in frustration, "When can I get out of here?! I just want to leave!" It was uncomfortable, worrisome, and heart-breaking (no pun intended). Having to wonder every day for a week straight if the last conversation you had with your dad would be your last isn't exactly my idea of a good time.

I just wanted out. Have you ever felt that way? As Patsy Clairmont says, "I didn't raise my hand for this!" I kept thinking, "Who thought that this was a good idea?! I don't want to be here!" I wanted to go back to normal, every day life where my dad climbed mountains and things were okay. I didn't want to eat hospital omelets. I didn't want to hug people I didn't know when they tried to comfort me. And certainly, every time we were in the waiting room I didn't want to wait... I just wanted to run away.

Have you ever felt like certain things in your life are just taking too long? That you just want the season to be over so you can move on and get to the fun stuff? This was one of those weeks.

Then the Lord gave me this verse last night: ..."patient in affliction..." -Romans 12:12

What in the world does that mean? Romans 12 talks a lot about being a 'living sacrifice' and love and stuff and then all of sudden it says to be "patient in affliction." The Justine translation? To be patient in the stuff that flat out sucks.

But then I started wondering...what does PATIENCE really mean anyway? What does it mean to have patience in affliction?

I looked up that particular word in Greek and as it turns out, patience in Romans 12:12 means "to remain under, to persevere, to endure persecution or miseries in faith and patience, to remain privately, to stay behind."

To stay behind? To remain? Let me tell you what... to REMAIN and stay behind in the midst of my dad's heart attack was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to endure. I didn't want to have patience. I just wanted it all to be over and for my dad be okay.

But check this out: that word that's used for "patient" in Romans 12:12? I looked up all the places in the New Testament that it comes up and almost every time the Bible talks about JOY before it talks about patience or endurance. Even in Romans 12: 12...

"Be JOYFUL in hope, PATIENT in affliction, and faithful in prayer."

I started thinking last night that if there's joy involved in the process then sign me up. I mean, thank the Lord that we don't just have to endure, but that there's joy there! Seriously legit. I'm not trying to be all fluffy-bunnies-and-roses on ya when I say this. I mean it will all sincerity. There's nothing better than joy in the midst of the things we must endure...it's like a kiss from God.

Then I got hit with this doozy. When I was looking up other verses that had the Greek word that's used in Romans 12:12 for patience I found this one:

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him ENDURED the cross."-Hebrews 12:2

That word "endured" right there in Hebrews 12:2? That's the exact, same word used for "patient" in Romans 12:12. Add the definition of the Greek word to the verse and you get this:

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY set before Him REMAINED, STAYED, HAD PATIENCE, AND ENDURED the cross FOR ME. -Hebrews 12:2 (with expansion)

He stayed there/remained and endured the cross for me. It has hit me over and over again today...what if He wouldn't have stayed? What if He would've just left? And I realized...that if He stayed on the cross for me...I can stay at the hospital and endure the pain of watching my family go through the agony of waiting.

Through this I am realizing more and more that being "patient in affliction" is much more than sitting around and waiting until the sucky things in life pass. It's staying put until it's over, it's seeing it through, it's investing in the moment, it's staying when everyone else leaves, it's dealing with the hard things in my heart and not running from them (that's a big one!), it's not giving up and throwing in the towel just because it's not comfortable or convenient, and it's remaining when everything inside seems to be screaming, "Get out! This isn't fun!"

And it's allowing the Holy Spirit to remind me & you over and over and over again that if He can endure/remain/be patient at the cross for me and be joyful about it...then I can be patient here too and watch His joy overtake my soul.


This doesn't make it any easier...but it makes it worth it.

Day 34: Born a Movie Star. Seriously.

It was a cold day in the desert on February 3rd.
Hearts were racing.
The doctors were pacing.
A miracle they were facing.
At least that's what I heard.

I'm now questioning whether that rhyming pattern (ABBBA) was a good idea. Whatever. You get the point.

On this blessed day known as my birth I have been reflecting on the strange nature of my existence. My mother insists that my life only got weird later on in life, but I beg to differ. Things have been weird from the womb. Here I will build my case:

1. My parents weren't "supposed" to have any more children.

2. When it came time to announce my mother's pregnancy to my two older brothers my Dad prayed this at the dinner table: "Thank you for this new, little life growing inside of Shelley." My brothers both sat there in confusion. Then Dad asks them, "Would you like a little brother or sister?" My oldest brother, Brent (age 17 at the time), says, "I hope it's a hunting dog." That's weird no matter how you shake it. Could this have been the moment (even in utero) that my love for animals developed? I wonder.

3. While out to dinner, my second oldest brother, Brandon (age 12 at the time), gets a prophetic fortune cookie. It reads, "A short stranger will soon enter your life."

4. While I was marinating in amniotic fluid my mom became a Christian. I can basically take credit for the whole thing. She started going to Bible study (with her also pregnant best friend) and started loving Jesus at the same time that she started loving me. My love for Bible study obviously stemmed from this.


5. Then comes the day of my actual birth: February 3rd. Basically nothing monumental happened in the world on this day. I think the Lord reserved the day just for me. Lord knows my birth was monumental in and of itself. The only thing that is even remotely exciting that happened on Feb. 3 was that tickets to see the Statue of Liberty went on sale for the first time. The fee? $1. The price now? $11.50. God bless America.

However, my birth was exceptionally weird. Why? Because I was born a movie star. I'm not talking wimpy home movies here... I'm talking about a real live, legitimate motion picture.

I was born at 7:40pm, 6lbs 11 oz, 20 1/2 in. long (for those of you who are into details) and exactly 14 hours later I was the star of a movie called "Bathing Your Baby." No kidding. [By the way, check out my mom's great eye shadow in this picture--just minutes after giving birth to me. Way to go, Mom!]

There was this zippy, little woman who approached my parents and said, "I heard that you have had the most beautiful, wonderful, adorable, precious baby in the hospital. Could we use her to star in our movie in the morning?" [She said something along those lines. Don't quote me here.] My parents were touched and honored. So, they gladly handed me over. To this day they still hand out the video in the Phoenix area. Someone called my mom and told her that they had seen it not too long ago. See? Legit. I was born with a flare for the dramatic. It's not my fault I was born this way.


6. I was born with a hole in my heart. The pediatric cardiologist freaked my parents out with the news and then says, "But the good news is that it'll close up with time." My parents give a relieved sigh. Then he says, "One more thing...I just had a baby boy and your daughter is beautiful! Could you give me your name and phone number and maybe in 18 years we could hook them up?" Seriously. This is word for word what happened. My dad took me home immediately.

In conclusion, I was born with weird written all over me. It was inevitable. See, Mom? Thank you, God, for inventing blogs so that I can write about this weird stuff.

This is my birthday. Day 34 of 2010.

Day 28: Doppelganger-Giada De Laurentiis

In ode of "Doppelganger Week" [The word "doppelgänger" has come to refer (as in German) to any double or look-alike of a person.], I would like to pay tribute to my proposed "twin," Giada De Laurentiis.

Me and Giada go way back. And by "way back" I mean since 2003 when her show The Everyday Italian aired on the Food Network. Then me and "G" (I call her "G") really got to know each other well when she published her first cookbook in 2005.

This is when people started asking me for my autograph.

It all started with cashiers at the grocery store mistakenly thinking that I was Giada...then people at airports...then friends...then my family. I think I may have caused a few family members near heart attacks when they turned on the Food Network and saw "G" making her crazy chocolate and brie paninis and thought it was me! I've been told that we not only look alike, but we have similar mannerisms too (which really freaks my mom out).

After about the 418th person to tell me I looked like Giada, I started to think that maybe they might be onto something. So, naturally, I had to be prepared. ;) And it was a good thing that I was... because I got to make an elderly couple's day.

I was hiking in Sedona, AZ, adoring an orange hiking hat, and stopped for a quick lunch with a friend. I noticed an older couple in the corner of the restaurant who kept peering over their booth in my direction and giggling. I was feeling significantly awkward until the waitress came up to me and said, "Ma'am, they think that you're Giada De Laurentiis from the Food Network." It took all of two seconds for me to realize that this was a moment too good to pass up. So, I leaned in, put my finger up to my mouth, and whispered to the waitress, "Shhhhhh...."

You should have seen her face. Priceless.

Then, as I was leaving, I walked up to the elderly couple's table, knelt down on the floor to be at their eye level, and asked if they had a pen. They starred at me for a second or two and then handed me a pen. I grabbed a napkin and wrote on it, "Enjoy your time in Sedona. Bon Appetit, Giada." [Good thing I had "prepared" ahead of time and memorized her signature!]


I know that this probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but you should have seen this couple! I've never seen two people more excited in my whole life. Then the older man shook my hand and said, "We love your show." I smiled and replied with a quick "thank you," walking out the door before my friend had the chance to burst out laughing.

"Operation Shock and Awe" was complete.

Some other Giada-Look-Alike Perks:

1. I got to go to the front of the line at Disneyland (I wore sunglasses and had friends taking pictures with me----so the Disney staff took me right to the front of the Indiana Jones ride to get away from the "paparazzi").

2. A photographer in Arizona contacted me and asked if he could take pictures and enter me in the TV Guide show "Celebrity Look-Alike." Nothing ever came of it and to get on that show requires you to fly to Canada for filming, etc., but it was fun nonetheless.

3. People automatically assume that I can cook.

4. When I have children someday my birthing picture will OF COURSE look just like this (perfect makeup and all):


5. My Dad offered to fly me to LA with him this year to go to the filming of "Giada At Home." You can bet that there will be a blog post about that one. Stay tuned.

This is Doppelganger Week. Day 28 of 2010.

Day 22: The Element of Surprise

In the midst of all the cool things God is doing today, a friend sent me this little nugget of inspiration via e-mail:

Justine McKnight destroyed the periodic table, because Justine only recognizes the element of surprise...

I'm pretty sure that they stole this from my friend, Chuck Norris, but whatever. It changed my whole day. Thought it'd do the same for you.

This is my Friday...not in its entirety, but at least in part. Day 22 of 2010.

Day 21: Three Random Dudes in Starbucks

Poor Rexy (the truck that holds all of my love for automobiles) was running on fumes as I rolled into the gas station this morning. She sputtered up the pump not having any idea where her (too expensive) off road wheels would take her this fine Thursday.

Normally Rexy finds herself parked in the same spot in front of the same coffee shop every day, but today I felt this slight tugging in my heart to drive her to a different location. And let me tell you- it was a good thing I went because I had an appointment with the Lord in a BIG way. Actually I had three appointments to be precise.

1. Mike the Barista-I walk into Starbucks, order, and then I hear, "Justine?!" At first I was confused because it was early and I thought my hot java was talking to me. Then I realized that it was Mike the Barista. Who is Mike? I used to see him almost every day at a Starbucks 2.5 hours away. I live in a city of 1.3 million people. What are the chances I would see him? To make a long story short...Mike the Barista and I used to play worship together and he loves Jesus a lot. This leads me to man #2.

2. Random Tattoo Man- Two minutes after talking to Mike this biker guy, covered in tattoos, stands next to my table and says, "I heard that you love Jesus. Mike told me. I do this ministry thing and I feel like I need to know you." Then he hands me his card and says he'll be back to talk to me. He doesn't come back to talk to me after all, but I think he's right---I do need to know him. His ministry looks seriously cool and I can't wait to see what God is going to do. Stay tuned.

3. Sonnie the Glory Guy- Hours later (yes, I was still sitting in the same spot), this surfer guy in his 60's with long, curly gray hair walks up to me and says, "You love Jesus don't you?" Taken aback a little bit, I smile and say, "Very much." He says, "I can tell." "Really?" I say. "I heard you talking on the phone a little bit ago," he says, "I wasn't really listening [note to self: he was definitely listening], but I saw you talking and you were smiling really bright. Then you said something about the Holy Spirit and I just KNEW."

We proceed to talk about the GLORY of God for the next hour. He loves Jesus too and tells me all about the cool things that He has seen God do. I got REAL excited. I told him that I thought that this year specifically that God was just looking for people to say "Yes" to Him regardless of embarrassment or fear. He confirmed this and then said, "Justine, your obedience to God radiates from you. As you say 'Yes' to God you will see many amazing things."

Now, to you this may sound like a fortune cookie, but for reals this was exceptionally cool. He then hands me a book about the GLORY of God and says, "I feel like I'm supposed to give this to you." Then the dude takes off.

To some this may sound weird and creepy, but Sonnie the Glory Guy was seriously rad and I wish all of you could meet him. We talked about God stuff a lot, it was a weird encounter, and of course it was a little funny (which is what this blog is all about!). So, naturally I had to write about the experience.

I think that God wants to speak to us just as much as we want Him too (maybe more so). I think that He is looking for people who are willing to embrace His surprises and His voice and not be so weirded out that we miss out on the cool, random things of God. Just a thought for today.

This is my Thursday. Day 21 of 2010.

Day 18: My Living Room Caught on Fire.

Today I woke up thinking that it was going to be an ordinary day. I'm usually wrong about these kind of things, so naturally the day was weird.

I was sitting on my couch enjoying a particularly pleasant rainy day (which basically don't exist in Phx, AZ) when I immediately thought, "Ya know what this day needs? A roaring fire!" So, I proceed to make the perfect fire- precisely placed logs, easy-to-light kindling, recycled paper. The whole thing was utterly beautiful. At this point one of my roommates, Elaine the 1/4 Asian, comes into the room, plops down on the floor, and anxiously awaits my masterpiece of a fire.

Needless to say, it didn't light.

Try as I might, reciting Thomas the Train "I think I can, I think I can," as I went---the fire just wouldn't erupt in flames like my little heart desired. Then walks in Hannah Long Hair, my other roommate, who proceeds to start making fun of me for not making it correctly (I'm actually not sure if this really happened, but this is what USUALLY happens, so I'm including it here.). So, Elaine the 1/4 Asian gets up and tries to stir the fire to no avail...then Hannah Long Hair attempts to fan the flame.

Note: I SHOULD have been supervising this entire endeavor, especially knowing my roommates' extreme lack of knowledge regarding all things outdoorsy, but I didn't. Please note my regret.

Then comes a phrase that came pouring forth from my mouth that will forever live in infamy at the 852 (that's my house). I said, "Hannah, go get some nail polish remover and put it on the fire." I can almost hear you gasp as you read this...I know. I've done this probably 8,000 times safely (give or take a few) and my roommates have watched probably 2,000 of those times (again, a rough number estimate), but I guess it didn't quite stick with Hannah Long Hair.

The next few moments are really a blur, but what I do recall quite vividly are the screams.

First Elaine the 1/4 Asian screamed...then Hannah Long Hair...so I looked up from my work (yes, this was in the middle of my workday) to see Hannah's hand on fire. And by "on fire" I really do mean completely engulfed in flames. She had proceeded to slowly pour the nail polish remover directly from the bottle onto the hot embers, which of course bursted into flames immediately. The fire then traveled up the stream of nail polish remover and into the bottle, which of course ignited instantly, sending Hannah Long Hair into complete hysteria. She began running around the living room screaming while holding the fiery bottle in her hand, leaving a trail of flammable liquid behind her. This all of course burst into flames within seconds.

My entire living room was now flaming like a hot dog on the 4th of July. Lets keep in mind that at this point I was still nestled on the couch with my computer and my tiger print Snuggie.

We all sprang into action (not immediately I might add). I leaped off the couch in one swift move, Elaine the 1/4 Asian was still screaming, and Hannah Long Hair suddenly noticed that she was on fire. So, naturally, she dropped the flaming bottle on the floor, spilling the contents of the nail polish remover all over the floor once again. More flames. More screaming.

We had to put out the flames somehow obviously. So, Elaine ran to the kitchen and got dish towels. Hannah got our rice cooker and filled it with water. I ran to the pantry for flour. Elaine put the dish towels on the floor to put it out. The towels caught fire. More flames. More screaming. Hannah attempted to pour water from the rice cooker onto the flames, but I screamed to prevent this action (yes, that would've made it worse---see this terrifying 34 second video for a brief demo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOvdlVEN6wY). Then I dumped flour on the fiery mess which basically put out most of the flames. Hannah then came racing around the corner with a fire extinguisher (WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?!). She then screams, "IT WON'T WORK!" Note: fire extinguishers only work when you pull the pin from the handle. I then grab the extinguisher, pull the pin, and blast the rest of the flames.

Silence.

We survey the damage.

Then we burst into uncontrollable laughter. This goes on for quite a while (I recall my side hurting and face streaming with tears). We continued this laughter for the next few hours as we cleaned up the ashes of dishtowels, flour soaked nail polish remover, and fire extinguisher dust. Believe it or not, there was virtually no damage other than a charred corner of a rug and the horrendous burning chemical smell that permeated the house and couch. Other than that (and maybe some of Hannah's arm hair) everything remained untouched.

This was my Monday. Day 18 of 2010.